Frustration to Rage

I was going To  write about spring and lovely things all gentle and soft… and then… when I was trying to post something online, I couldn’t access or find… the thing I’d just created to post. THREE TIMES, I went back to the original, re-saved, checked AGAIN… and NOPE… NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

OH MY #*&%!!!!!!! GAWD

Nothing takes my frustration to a level 10 faster than tech stuff not working.

What I know to be true, is that whenever I am NOT MEANT to post something… it literally will not work, no matter how many ways or times I try. Tomorrow I could do the exact same thing… and boom… it will work the first time. But sometimes… I have more patience… not this morning apparently.

We all understand the emotion of frustration. We’ve all felt it a time or two (I was going to say 50 million but that might be an underestimation).  For me, the actual physical sensation is a constriction in my chest and up my throat, depending on the level from 1 to 10. I can go to a 10 pretty fast.

What is the activator of frustration for me? Things not going the way I want them to… no matter how many times I try. (I generally stop at 3 now, but that took some learning on my part)

What I have found, is that frustration is just the first level of the emotional energy coming up to express itself. There is something much bigger lurking (I use that word because we reeeeealy resist the bigger part) which is rage.

Unfortunately, I used to express my rage toward my husband, blaming him for my frustration. What I have discovered is that it was always there… it was just tucked waaaaaaay down, in that dark corner, buried by as many things as I could find.

Fast forward to the present. I am such an enlightened soul now (feel free to chuckle, snort or laugh out loud) … understanding of so many more things, so sure that rage is no where to be found.

 Friiiiiig!!!!

Oh, it’s there alright. Surprises me when it comes to the surface…it’s more like AN ERUPTION, because there is no holding it back.

Last year I had some signs that it was there. A few small clues. Like when my hair elastic broke and I bent over flipping it the bird, screaming obscenities at it lying there on the floor.

I stood up and literally thought “where the hell did that come from”?

During one of my Qi Gong Practices there is a move called the Tiger, bringing your hands to the earth while squatting down and making a growling sound. That’s not the sound that came out. I screamed and screamed and screamed.

It’s a lot of very…. Big…. Ugly…. Energy. No wonder we tend to bottle it all up and keep it hidden.

This morning, feeling frustrated, I left the computer (intact I might add… quite proud of myself there), had a shower, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Feeling good I headed up the stairs to finish getting ready. Tripped going up, not just once, but twice trying to catch myself and landed on my wrist/arm. I sat on the stairs and screamed (aaaand peed my pants, cause that happens now… so fun).  I guess the rage needed to be released because it came out. As I hauled myself up the stairs I sat on the toilet and screamed and screamed and screamed some more. (best place to be if you pee yourself while screaming)

I used to make myself wrong for expressing rage. Well, it’s not a good idea to direct it at someone. It’s YOUR frustration, it has nothing to do with the other person.

But… EMOTION NEEDS EXPRESSION!!!!! So… what is wrong with screaming at the top of your lungs in your own house when no one is around (gawd I hope no one was around…)

Our emotions are GONNA COME UP TO BE RELEASED… WE CANNOT HOLD THEM IN FOREVER! They may express themselves energetically as PAIN, SICKNESS, ILLNESS 0R DIS-EASE if we stop the energy expressing itself in other ways.

I have discovered the underlying activator of rage is…  the FEELING OR BELIEF WE HAVE A LACK OF CONTROL OVER (fill in your own description here)

Where is that playing a role for me? I am “trying” to manifest steady clients/income. It doesn’t feel like it’s working… I can literally hear crickets chirping in my day timer (yes I’m still using a day timer). Working to shift my thoughts and positive myself into trusting it will be okay, (and I really do believe it will be okay, or a version of me anyway) but there is another version that is so frustrated that she doesn’t see anything happening…

The long and the short of it is (I quite enjoy making a short story long, here’s your warning for next time), whatever emotion you are pushing down because you have judged it to be wrong… is bullshit! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A WRONG EMOTION…. THERE’S JUST EMOTIONS… We all feel them, that is what connects every single human being on the planet.

So… WHAT IF… WHAT IF… you gave yourself permission to express that emotion, or emotions, allowing that energy to move thru your body and release itself, in a way that is SAFE for YOU… AND THOSE AROUND YOU?

Not gonna lie, rage is not pleasant to experience for release. It’s really big and feels really ugly.

And it takes a bit to allow all of the residual energy out of the body, but when it’s done, it’s a HUGE RELEASE!

I’m choosing to sit and just be, doing some long-slow-deep-breathing, letting the energy reset. When I feel centered, grounded, I’m going to carry on with my day.

Whatever emotion is coming up for you to be expressed, I’m inviting you to allow it, to be kind to yourself in it, to hold compassion and understanding for yourself while you are moving thru it. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!