So… this is happening FOR me… not TO…me?

I had a concept introduced to me a few years ago by a coach that I work with for my healing journey (Tracy Furlong of Furlong Wellness). It was… “what if this is happening FOR me… not TO me?”

My initial reaction… well that’s shitty.

It’s taken a few years for me to shift my perspective to look at “things/events/contrast” in way that is serving me, not punishing me. Oh and just so you know… it isn’t an immediate response. There is usually some resistance to start. Frustration, judgement, blame, guilt usually burst their way to the surface as the initial reaction. I am after all… human. Old neural pathways of repeated thoughts are in fact REAL. We can’t erase those, but we can… create new ones. Like all things, it take time, practice, patience and persistance.

Being kind, compassionate and understanding of and to oneself is a big part of the equation.

I had the opportunity to look at something that happened FOR me, NOT…TO me just recently. Did I initially respond with guilt, shame, judgement off the hop? Oh yes… but I didn’t hang out there for long, because the more I allow myself to look at the situation from the perspective of FOR me and not TO me, I can eventually connect the dots.

It does require us to be completely honest with ourselves tho.

So, just for kicks, (I was going to say shits and giggles but thought that would be inappropriate) I’m gonna invite you to think about something that has happened recently, that would be considered a piece of contrast. Something that didn’t feel good, that maybe you struggled with. An event, situation or something that initially you thought or felt “why is this happening TO ME?” And now, I’m going to ask you to reframe the question “What if this is happening FOR ME?”

Grab a pen and paper and allow yourself to be curious. I know it sounds very new agey woo woo, but it works. Can you BE THE OBSERVER and be impartial?

How did this situation SERVE YOU?

I’ll use myself as an example. I had plans to drive out of town and spend an overnight visiting with relatives. It’s still technically winter where I live, but… we’ve been experiencing warm weather, melting snow, so I didn’t even think about road conditions etc. because the roads had been bare and dry. And as it is still winter, conditions can change and they did. We got a dump of snow and a cold front moved in.

I was worrying about having to be brave and drive in the cold and snow by myself. I kept trying to shift my thoughts, pre-pave, pull up my ‘big girl panties’ because that’s what I thought I “should do”, (ahh when will I learn to stop “shoulding” myself?) tried to affirm and be positive.

So what happened? A rash. A rash that I thought was an allergic reaction to something I’d been working with. No biggie. Meanwhile, I’m still trying to POSITIVE my fear and worry away.

The rash didn’t go away. It spread.

IT WAS THE PERFECT SOLUTION TO MY PROBLEM!

It’s a viral rash… I CAN’T GO!

Whew, no more worries about having to travel, I can’t go… I just can’t! I don’t want to spread the virus around!

I felt relief, but also guilt for feeling relief. I felt judgement because I couldn’t shake the fear and worry. I felt shame because I failed at not shaking the fear and worry. (I KNOW!)

This morning while journaling, a realization came in for me.

The underlying piece in this was that I was trying to make myself do what I thought I should, because I didn’t want to let anyone down. I wasn’t honoring me. I wasn’t honoring the fact that I am not comfortable traveling in the cold and snow by myself. I was digging thru my toolbox trying to make something work, that I actually didn’t want to work.

So I apologised to myself.

There was a pretty big realization that I am still pushing myself to DO for others, even when it doesn’t serve ME.

Enter the rash.

It served me, it happened FOR me.

So, I’ll ask again. What if you asked yourself “what if this is FOR ME?” and gave yourself permission to see the truth, observing what is at the root of it?

When we shift out the of powerlessness of “WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?” and shift into the POWER OF… “Why is this happening FOR ME?” …. GAME CHANGER!